a great & marvelous work

Blessed by the Strenth

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 21:12:17 GMT

[Posted from my journal amarvelouswork]

The priesthood is one of the most amazing gifts we have been given to help us here on earth.

This past Friday through Sunday evening I felt like Alma the Younger. "I was in the darkest abyss; ...my soul was racked with eternal torment" [Mosiah 27:29, excerpts]. Between a chain of events and my own personal conscience and frightening of the Spirit, I found myself treading water in the depths of a filthy lake of emotional and spiritual torment. I felt like I had been thrown to a pit of rattlesnakes and bitten and torn to shreds, left to shake and decay alone in the bottom of the pit.

On Sunday morning I felt the worse. Sunday afternoon I spent the afternoon with dear friends at their family's home in the backyard of the Jordan River Temple, and I could not muster the strength to be cheerful and bright as I always am while visiting with them and enjoying the view. I returned to my home and stared blankly. Finally, I started sending text messages to anyone in my cell contact list to ask if they knew any priesthood holders in the downtown Salt Lake area. I had only met most of these people once or twice, so I felt silly asking, but I knew a blessing would be a source of peace and comfort. No matter how undeserving and filthy I felt...no matter how unworthy and stained I saw my reflection to be, I knew that I was in need of my Savior's love the most. Soon, my friend Jenna - whom I had only met once - replied with a message saying her friend Patrick would love to give me a blessing and that they were on their way. Satan took the reigns and started playing with my emotions once again, which caused me to reply and tell her not to worry, that I'd be fine on my own, and I made up excuses, including the fact that I didn't want them to have to drive all the way into town. But she continued insisting that it would be no trouble and that sometimes the only way we feel the peace to make it through is by a priesthood blessing.

They arrived. We stood there talking for quite a bit, and then I received a blessing. The power and strength that I felt was amazing; I know for a fact that Heavenly Father was definitely using Patrick as an instrument that night. As he continued to pronounce blessings of peace, comfort, and other concerns on my head, I felt the Spirit come back to me. "My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and the bonds of iniquity. I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God. My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched and my soul is pained no more." [Mosiah 27:29, full] I felt as if Christ were wrapping his arms around me..."But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love." [2 Nephi 1:15] He blessed me with comfort and with blessings in response to struggles that he did not know about me. He blessed me with a love for the Scriptures and to search them everyday to find answers and guidance for my tribulations in life [I've had an issue with sticking to studying them]. Most importantly, he gently blessed me with the reminder that my Heavenly Father loves me, and to continually fall on Jesus Christ; I was reminded that Christ KNOWS what I am feeling and the torment I am going through, because he literally has been through it himself. This was also a topic of a talk that touched me not long ago that I wrote in my journal about. Heavenly Father wanted me to remember it.

I am so thankful for the priesthood. I am thankful for the power I feel through the hands that are placed on my head, no matter if I know them or not. I am so grateful for all the men in this church that live worthy and hold the priesthood, remembering that it is a blessing and look at giving blessings as an opportunity to serve.
I am beyond words to describe my love and the tenderness I feel toward the Savior and my Heavenly Father. I know it all seems like a redundant item of testimony, but I'm glad that it is; it shows how important that love is to each of us.

I am grateful that Heavenly Father knows us each so intimately - more than we know ourselves. Yesterday I, though feeling so much comfort from the blessing I had, still didn't feel like I would be worthy of receiving such blessings. Well, during work something within gave me overwhelming hunger to read the scriptures more. I couldn't put them down, and when I got home from work, I read more even until I fell asleep. This morning I read, and right now at work I am reading. They are alive right before my eyes. I love them with such a passion, and I'm grateful for them and the way they are coming to life in my mind and soul.

Heavenly Father seems to give us a little nudge in the right direction, even when we feel undeserving. He knows what it takes to move us along, and I am so grateful that He wants to see us happy because we are His children.

Living a Life Worthy

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:44:34 GMT

Today I was scanning some bulletins and I found this talk that a friend passed along that riled up some emotions within myself. President Hinckley gave the talk in the April 1998 Priesthood Session at General Conference. You can read it under the cut, or click here to read it on the Church website.

Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry
President Gordon B. Hinckley

Make yourself worthy of the loveliest girl in all the world. Keep yourself worthy through all the days of your life.

A week ago President Faust and the Young Women general presidency spoke to the young women of the Church in this tabernacle.

As I looked at that gathering of beautiful young women the question moved through my mind, "Are we rearing a generation of young men worthy of them?"

Those girls are so fresh and vibrant. They are beautiful. They are bright. They are able. They are faithful. They are virtuous. They are true. They are simply wonderful and delightful young women.

And so tonight, in this great priesthood meeting, I wish to speak to you young men, their counterpart. The title of my talk: "Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry."

The girl you marry will take a terrible chance on you. She will give her all to the young man she marries. He will largely determine the remainder of her life. She will even surrender her name to his name.

As Adam declared in the Garden of Eden: "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. . . .

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:2324).

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as young men holding the priesthood of God, you have a tremendous obligation toward the girl you marry. Perhaps you are not thinking much of that now. But the time isn't far away when you will think of it, and now is the time to prepare for that most important day of your lives when you take unto yourself a wife and companion equal with you before the Lord.

That obligation begins with absolute loyalty. As the old Church of England ceremony says, you will marry her "for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse." She will be yours and yours alone, regardless of the circumstances of your lives. You will be hers and hers alone. There can be eyes for none other. There must be absolute loyalty, undeviating loyalty one to another. Hopefully you will marry her forever, in the house of the Lord, under the authority of the everlasting priesthood. Through all the days of your lives, you must be as true one to another as the polar star.

The girl you marry can expect you to come to the marriage altar absolutely clean. She can expect you to be a young man of virtue in thought and word and deed.

I plead with you boys tonight to keep yourselves free from the stains of the world. You must not indulge in sleazy talk at school. You must not tell sultry jokes. You must not fool around with the Internet to find pornographic material. You must not dial a long-distance telephone number to listen to filth. You must not rent videos with pornography of any kind. This salacious stuff simply is not for you. Stay away from pornography as you would avoid a serious disease. It is as destructive. It can become habitual, and those who indulge in it get so they cannot leave it alone. It is addictive.

It is a five-billion-dollar business for those who produce it. They make it as titillating and attractive as they know how. It seduces and destroys its victims. It is everywhere. It is all about us. I plead with you young men not to get involved in its use. You simply cannot afford to.

The girl you marry is worthy of a husband whose life has not been tainted by this ugly and corrosive material.

Look upon the Word of Wisdom as more than a commonplace thing. I regard it as the most remarkable document on health of which I know. It came to the Prophet Joseph Smith in 1833, when relatively little was known of dietary matters. Now the greater the scientific research, the more certain becomes the proof of Word of Wisdom principles. The evidence against tobacco is now overwhelming, yet we see a tremendous increase in its use by young men and women. The evidence against liquor is just as great.

To me it is an ironic thing that service stations offer beer sales. An individual can get as drunk on beer and be as dangerous on the road as he can on any other alcoholic substance. It is simply a matter of how much he drinks. How absolutely inconsistent it is for a service station, where you get gas so you can drive, to also sell beer that can cause you to drive "under the influence" and become a terrible menace on the highway.

Stay away from it. It will do you no good. It could do you irreparable harm. Suppose you drink and drive and cause the death of someone. You will never get over it as long as you live. It will haunt you night and day. The one simple thing to do is simply to not touch it.

Likewise, stay away from illegal drugs. They can absolutely destroy you. They will take away your powers of reason. They will enslave you in a vicious and terrible way. They will destroy your mind and your body. They will build within you such cravings that you will do anything to satisfy them.

Would any girl in her right mind ever wish to marry a young man who has a drug habit, who is the slave of alcohol, who is addicted to pornography?

Avoid profanity. It is all around you in school. Young people seem to pride themselves on using filthy and obscene language as well as indulging in profanity, taking the name of our Lord in vain. It becomes a vicious habit which, if indulged in while you are young, will find expression throughout your life. Who would wish to be married to a man whose speech is laden with filth and profanity?

There is another serious thing to which many young men become addicted. This is anger. With the least provocation they explode into tantrums of uncontrolled rage. It is pitiful to see someone so weak. But even worse, they are prone to lose all sense of reason and do things which bring later regret.

We hear much these days of the phenomenon called road rage. Drivers become provoked over some small irritation. They fly into a rage, even resulting in murder. A life of regret follows.

As the writer of Proverbs has said, "He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city" (Prov. 16:32).

If you have a temper, now is the time to learn to control it. The more you do so while you are young, the more easily it will happen. Let no member of this Church ever lose control of himself in such an unnecessary and vicious manner. Let him bring to his marriage words of peace and composure.

I constantly deal with those cases of members of the Church who have been married in the temple and who later divorce and then apply for a cancellation of their temple sealing. When first married, they are full of great expectations, with a wonderful spirit of happiness. But the flower of love fades in an atmosphere of criticism and carping, of mean words and uncontrolled anger. Love flies out the window as contention enters. I repeat, my brethren, if any of you young men have trouble controlling your temper, I plead with you to begin the work of making that correction now. Otherwise you will bring only tears and sorrow into the homes which you will someday establish. Jacob, in the Book of Mormon, condemns his people for their wickedness in marriage. Says he: "Behold, ye have done greater iniquities than the Lamanites, our brethren. Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you. And because of the strictness of the word of God, which cometh down against you, many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds" (Jacob 2:35).

Work for an education. Get all the training that you can. The world will largely pay you what it thinks you are worth. Paul did not mince words when he wrote to Timothy, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel" (1 Tim. 5:8).

It is your primary obligation to provide for your family.

Your wife will be fortunate indeed if she does not have to go out and compete in the marketplace. She will be twice blessed if she is able to remain at home while you become the breadwinner of the family.

Education is the key to economic opportunity. The Lord has laid a mandate upon us as a people to acquire learning "by study, and also by faith" (D&C 109:14). It is likely that you will be a better provider if your mind and hands are trained to do something worthwhile in the society of which you will become a part.

Be modest in your wants. You do not need a big home with a big mortgage as you begin your lives together. You can and should avoid overwhelming debt. There is nothing that will cause greater tensions in marriage than grinding debt, which will make of you a slave to your creditors. You may have to borrow money to begin ownership of a home. But do not let it be so costly that it will preoccupy your thoughts day and night.

When I was married my wise father said to me, "Get a modest home and pay off the mortgage so that if economic storms should come, your wife and children will have a roof over their heads."

The girl who marries you will not wish to be married to a tightwad. Neither will she wish to be married to a spendthrift. She is entitled to know all about family finances. She will be your partner. Unless there is full and complete understanding between you and your wife on these matters, there likely will come misunderstandings and suspicions that will cause trouble that can lead to greater problems.

She will wish to be married to someone who loves her, who trusts her, who walks beside her, who is her very best friend and companion. She will wish to be married to someone who encourages her in her Church activity and in community activities which will help her to develop her talents and make a greater contribution to society. She will want to be married to someone who has a sense of service to others, who is disposed to contribute to the Church and to other good causes. She will wish to be married to someone who loves the Lord and seeks to do His will. It is well, therefore, that each of you young men plan to go on a mission, to give unselfishly to your Father in Heaven a tithe of your life, to go forth with a spirit of total unselfishness to preach the gospel of peace to the world wherever you may be sent. If you are a good missionary, you will return home with the desire to continue to serve the Lord, to keep His commandments, and to do His will. Such behavior will add immeasurably to the happiness of your marriage.

As I have said, you will wish to be married in one place and one place only. That is the house of the Lord. You cannot give to your companion a greater gift than that of marriage in God's holy house, under the protective wing of the sealing covenant of eternal marriage. There is no adequate substitute for it. There should be no other way for you.

Choose carefully and wisely. The girl you marry will be yours forever. You will love her and she will love you through thick and thin, through sunshine and storm. She will become the mother of your children. What greater thing in all this world can there be than to become the father of a precious child, a son or daughter of God, our Father in Heaven, for whom we are given the rights and responsibilities of mortal stewardship.

How precious a thing is a baby. How wonderful a thing is a child. What a marvelous thing is a family. Live worthy of becoming a father of whom your wife and children will be proud.

The Lord has ordained that we should marry, that we shall live together in love and peace and harmony, that we shall have children and rear them in His holy ways.

And so, my dear young men, you may not think seriously about it now. But the time will come when you will fall in love. It will occupy all of your thoughts and be the stuff of which your dreams are made. Make yourself worthy of the loveliest girl in all the world. Keep yourself worthy through all the days of your life. Be good and true and kind one to another. There is so much of bitterness in the world. There is so much of pain and sorrow that come of angry words. There is so much of tears that follow disloyalty. But there can be so much of happiness if there is an effort to please and an overwhelming desire to make comfortable and happy one's companion.

When all is said and done, this is what the gospel is about. The family is a creation of God. It is the basic creation. The way to strengthen the nation is to strengthen the homes of the people.

I am satisfied that if we would look for the virtues in one another and not the vices, there would be much more of happiness in the homes of our people. There would be far less of divorce, much less of infidelity, much less of anger and rancor and quarreling. There would be more of forgiveness, more of love, more of peace, more of happiness. This is as the Lord would have it.

Young men, now is the time to prepare for the future. And in that future for most of you is a beautiful young woman whose greatest desire is to bond with you in a relationship that is eternal and everlasting.

You will know no greater happiness than that found in your home. You will have no more serious obligation than that which you face in your home. The truest mark of your success in life will be the quality of your marriage.

God bless you, my dear young men. I could wish for you nothing more wonderful than the love, the absolute total love, of a companion of whom you are proud and worthy in every respect. This choice will be the most important of all the choices you make in your life. I pray that heaven may smile upon you in the choice you make, that you may be guided, that you may live without regret, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The talk definately hit a chord. It relates a lot to many conversations that Katie [girliegirlie711] and I have had about dating/marriage/etc. It also hit my heart something fierce since lately I've been a huge fan of this video on youtube. I really recommend watching it.

Temple marriage is so beautiful. I often find myself wandering around myspace from friend page to friend page looking at pictures of temple weddings and swooning. Although, I am 23 years old and I think that gives me some right to do so. My internal clock gives me that passcard.

Love. I feel over the past few years I've finally developed a sense of what true and pure love is. I've had my fair share of crushes and swoon-worthy guys I've drooled over, but I've never really dated anyone. I've only been on one date with a guy alone, which happened to be one of the most amazing guys I've ever met - and he's engaged now [read here if you like all the juicy details on the emotions attached to that]. That talk reminds me a lot about all of the emotions that are stapled to his name and personality.

But this isn't about him. This is about the inner core of my heart. The emotions. The longing. Marriage. Companionship. Eternity. Love.

The love I have in my heart for people is beyond words. Sometimes it's so overwhelming that it really does make me uncomfortable. I get awkward and I grow afraid to express myself because the only thing I can think of is a huge "I love you!" and a hug that never ends. Some people get weirded out by that. Others interpret it wrong. Sometimes I feel like a child that sees all love the same. For example, little Lorin that I used to nanny for...she's five years old now and she considers me her best friend. She still sits on my lap and squeezes my face so hard that she makes an evil mean face. Someone that doesn't understand may think that she's trying to hurt me, but she's really just trying to express her love and emotion but can't find a way to do it. She's told me that she wants to marry me. She's also told me that she wants to marry her brother. She's so precious and her love for everyone and everything is so pure and innocent, so amazing. I often feel like she does. I feel so frustrated because I have all of this love to pour out and I do all that I can, and I'm still brimming to the edge. Every single person I meet holds a bookmark in my mind and heart, even if I just know their name and nothing beyond.

What am I worth? Last night I asked my parents if they thought I was worthy of a wonderful guy and listed many qualities that President Hinckley mentioned in this talk. They kept beating around the bush and really didn't give me a straight answer which really frustrated me. Am I not worthy of a guy like that? I read back on a letter I sent confessing my feelings to a model priesthood holder that the Prophet could have been refering to need be, and I see a pattern of thinking in which I feel I can't possibly ever been seen by a strong man in the Gospel as a choice woman. D&C 18:10 reminds us that the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. What an amazing promise that is and a comfort to my heart! My self-esteem, mostly because of my physical appearance, has always hovered just above the scummy algae level in my life. It's played a significant role in thinking down upon myself. I know my worth and my identity, and for that I know that I am worthy of such a man, but I feel that such a man will never give me the time of day. I know that the man I want to love forever will be such a man that will love me no matter what size I wear, but it's still a huge issue in dating today - especially since I look at the girls out in Utah and all I see are typical perfect LDS girls who are gorgeous, blinding me with their perfect Crest smiles and deafening me with their broadway-worthy voices. Here I am, with my mousy brown frizzy hair, too-dark brown eyes, overly-rosy cheeks, and full-figured body. I love to sing and am complemented here, but out there I feel I can be nothing. Perhaps it's just my competitive nature [I realize that comes as a shock to many], or my tenancies to be a perfectionist in things I do [also a shocker]. I can't offer what other girls have. All I've got is my testimony - never waivering, ever growing - and my soul-deep prayers that that will be all that is needed for the right man to fall in love with me.

I feel like I'm not expressing the words I really am feeling at the moment, and it's frustrating me. I'm such a woman of words and adjectives and beautiful soliloquy, and I'm just spewing out random thoughts. I realize all of this love & marriage talk seems crazy with my preparing to hand in my mission papers shortly, but it still crosses my mind everyday. This talk refreshed my mind of what I am worthy to receive, and reminded me of those blessings I was promised in my Patriarchal Blessing six-and-a-half years ago. I'm glad he told the men to choose carefully; that is something I always think of. An eternity is a very long time, and I am very cautious in handing my heart out. This could be the reason why I haven't really dated anyone. I feel like my relationship and dating life is the one thing I have that is still pure and clean. I don't feel bad that I'm 23 and haven't really had a man that I've dated and said "I want to marry him."

So many nights I find that it seems I have been on my knees for just moments, and I arise to rugburn and a clock showing two hours later than I thought it would. I cry out that I can receive help from Above to continue to prepare to be a worthy wife and mother...a woman and Daughter of God worthy enough to receive and be blessed with a husband that President Hinckley drew in his talk.

"A woman's heart should be buried so deep in Christ that a man must be seeking the Lord to find it."

Here's to keeping my heart a buried treasure.

Today & Always

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 02:00:11 GMT

All of a sudden I feel nervous to write in here, though I'm sure that will fade. It's just that my faith is the closest thing to my heart and I tend to be wounded easily by the remarks of others even though I am strong and will not waver. I'm stoked that I finally created a journal for my spiritual musings since I've been talking about it for so long. I keep a paper journal that I write in during church and when I'm studying, but I love to be able to type and use stream of consciousness to string all my thoughts together. Plus, ljbook is an amazing thing so I can print out my entries to keep for always.

Earlier in the day I really wanted to write endlessly about everything burning & embossing my soul, but after taking a walk and finally returning to my seat, I just couldn't focus on one particular emotion I want to write about. I did, however, run across this quote in my e-mail that I think definately sets the basis for my feelings right now, especially with my mission service being so near. I think it's a good intro to pages and pages of feelings and thoughts that I will soon hopefully gather and share.

I think this is going to be a great outlet for me, and a good way to keep on track, to gain from others [all of you wonderful people reading! :)], and to compose myself during hardships and trials with the adversary. A good journal is always a trusty old friend.

"My beloved brethren, you and I, today and always, are to bless all peoples in all the nations of the earth. You and I, today and always, are to bear witness of Jesus Christ and declare the message of the Restoration. You and I, today and always, are to invite all to receive the ordinances of salvation. Proclaiming the gospel is not a part-time priesthood obligation. It is not simply an activity in which we engage for a limited time or an assignment we must complete as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Rather, missionary work is a manifestation of our spiritual identity and heritage. We were foreordained in the premortal existence and born into mortality to fulfill the covenant and promise God made to Abraham. We are here upon the earth at this time to magnify the priesthood and to preach the gospel. That is who we are, and that is why we are here--today and always."

--- Elder David Bednar